I was having trouble associating myself with either E(xtrovert) or I(ntrovert). Why? Because I seem to be E, I do E stuffs, but sometimes I feel I'm an I.
I enjoy being around people, and I feel like dying after an hour of being alone. Need to at least talk to somebody, online or anything. Or go out, hang kai or .. watever, at least some communication! But sometimes I'm just sick of making small talks. I find small talks irrelevant, and I hate being pressured to talk. You know, awkward moments when you're with somebody and the pressure to start talking (or face the silent awkwardness!) mounts. And sometimes when some people talk to me, I just answer in one-word answers. Especially to taxi drivers. And when sometimes I meet some new people, I just find it bothersome to make small talk. So I keep quiet.
But again it could be because that I'm an elitist. Or jaded. Hmm.
So analyzing myself further, I think back to when I'm young. And I remember I used to be this cheery little kid, the one who makes a lot of noise in class. And during queueing. And during recess. And.. err.. everywhere. Damn bising lah. Can talk about whatever. I remember a friend saying once that there's one time he scored very low in chemistry. The reason being he sat beside me in class, and I used to blabber all the time with him. But whenever the teacher pose any questions to me, I'd be able to answer. My grades were tops, his grades suffered. Prolly coz I blabber too much he also join along and didn't pay attention. Early lesson that multitasking is an essential skill for him ;). But I digress.
Hmm, thinking about my youth. Sigh, I wonder where is that cheery and curious little kid. Where did he go? Could he be suppressed deep inside because of my fear of being labeled as kay-poh-chee? Or could it be that he got lost somewhere along my journey to adulthood?
