8.30pm. going home now. gonna buy a copy of the Malay Mail. missed my daily shot today ;)
hope they got another breaking news on the Ras Adiba Radzi bitch. The Sunday Mail (on Sunday, duh~) got a breaking news on her bill - only A$ 16,345. Wonder if her conscience allows her to do all these, or even whether she has any at all.. Will use the word "bitch" sparingly until the matter is confirmed, hehe :p
[ update - 10.39pm ]
*ALL* newspaper shops in KLCC are closeD!!! NoOOoooOOoOoOOOOOooooo~~~
that means no malay mail for today :(
oh, did i mention i went to beach club on friday? :p
anybody sighted me there? ;)
will write about my experience there either tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, provided i'm not worried to death yet. pretty interesting experience there, although i'm not too proud of myself back there.
*considering*
either (a) watch vcd. shit, The Mask VCD that i bought 2 days ago was RUINED .... :(
or (b) finish reading my "The Code Book" book.
or (c) go to pub (but all my friends too 'guai', pub too noisy, cannot stand the crowd, etc etc. *sigh*)
hmm, did i remember to tell you how much fun this job is?
did i already mention how much fun this job is?
oh.. i did. twice in this post :p
well, if u're looking it from another perspective, this is the most horrible job you can ever find. since i'm an idealist who has a "distorted" kind of view of this world, i think it's pretty much fun. makes you think, though it gives you headache. never mind the headache, pain builds character ;)
to thrive in this job, u just need to hold on to three principles :
murphy's law governs everything. if you don't believe in murphy's law, or you have doubts with that law, quit this job.
this is the kind of job where once you solve a problem, another 3 crops out. and those three are even more difficult than the one you solved. (sometimes it makes you wish you didn't solve the previous problem)
your job description : perform magic. nothing else but magic.
that's it. oh, to add to the first one: something queer about murphy's law. it seems to happen more when you're in an important deal, or just before a demo. when that happens, the weak falters and the strong.. oh.. the strong.. the strong ones will think twice about whether he/she is really that strong, hehe ;)
attempt failed. what attempt? hehe, the attempt of coming to work early. today came at 10.20 am. Considerably earlier than yesterday (10.45am) but still not what I want to achieve.
tomorrow's attempt : *before* 10am.
p.s. sooner or later i know i'm gonna get screwed for not being able to come to work early. *must* achieve the target!
good day ppl, it's tuesday and this lazy piggy has skipped his diary for 3 days :p
tuesday also means it's intech day!! woo hoo~ (i sound like a geek now)
okay. main worries today. money. i spend so much monthly. let me count..
RM 300 (room rent)
RM 200 (give mum)
RM 170 (gym)
RM 150 (insurance)
RM 200 (handphone)
-----------
RM 1020
*shucks*. Before I even add my food and travel (to work, my friend, ;p not haadyai) expenses, it's already 1k. how am i supposed to save money this way. (i'm supposed to add my monthly 20% savings to the numbers, but then if i do that it'll be obvious how much i earn, so i'm gonna omit that for now. wahhahaha)
*headache*
now talking about money, currently i'm reading a book on cryptology entitled The Code Book, which was on my wish list for months. Finally I got hold of it. Anyway, inside the book, there's this interesting fact about Beale cipher, where this guy left several pieces of paper containing only numbers (ciphertext) since around 1918. These papers supposedly, if deciphered, will lead to a bulk of treasure worth about USD 20 mil. However, hold your horses people, before you set off to find out more and to spend your lifetime decrypting it and probably ruin your life, and also neglect your family, most people believed these papers to be an elaborate hoax by Edgar Allen Poe. Still, it was an interesting read. Made me wanted to look for it, but well, I think my efforts are better off somewhere else.
Believe in shortcuts and you'll end up taking the long turn, probably never will reach the intended destination.
What a disappointing day. Today, I am disappointed with....
...
myself. I can't believe myself. What an asshole. How can I grow up to be such an asshole?
First, I was so pissed with my this one colleague yesterday. So pissed that I fumed and kept flaming the fire of anger within me. Hmm, this shows how easy I can be "controlled" by others. A little bit of insult will make me feel angry and can't concentrate on anything else the whole day (though well, it's been a long time since this happened). Where the hell did my emotional control gone to? Where the hell did my patience ran to? *sigh*
Conclusion (after much thought and reflection) : I'm gonna forgive and forget (not totally forget *evil grin*) her. I will not let her be in control of me anymore. Whatever she do or say will not influence my actions and/or emotions. I do not need her, nor anybody else's approval to feel good about myself. Why she did so or say that was probably her habit, and probably it's grown out of some kind of instability in her life (i.e. attention-deprived) and instead of being angry at her, I should sympathize with her. I shouldn't let this small thing govern my life. If I had like confronted her or warned her that I don't like what she's doing, it'll just show that I'm giving in to this weakness of mine (letting other people control my life). Instead, I should learn to deal with it, as I'm sure this won't be the first person doing this to me. If I expect myself to meet so many people in the future, I might as well learn how to handle these kind of situations :)
Second, I lost my temper today :(........... *sad face*. I'm so disappointed. Where the hell did my emotional control go again? Hmmm. Probably this is induced by my emotional volatility yesterday, but again, this shouldn't be an excuse. I should never have lost my temper in the first place. It's like this.. I was lining up to get some food, prison-style (hehehe *evil grin again*) at a food stall nearby. While lining up, this one girl just cut the queue in front of me. I was stunned. How could a girl be so impolite? (Aren't they angels?) I was going to get my plate of white rice when she cut the queue, sneak in front of me, took the plate and look in front without glancing at me. To stress it again, I was stunned. I didn't know what to do, whether to just leave her there, forget about it or whether I should do something about it.
Well, my conscience got the better of me, therefore I said (to note here, in a very friendly manner), "err, excuse me, miss, i think the queue is behind there". She turned and said "huh? i thought u're getting the other food". (there's another queue beside us, but it was obviuos that it's entirely a different queue. even if it wasn't obvious, she could've realized her mistake, apologized and line up behind us, but noooooooooooooo.......) I said, "no miss, we're lining up for the rice.." (still friendly) and then she got visibly angry and just threw her plate (yes, with the rice in it) on top of a stack of plates at the side of us and stormed off. Again, I was stunned. I was expecting a sweet girl apologizing, and go line up behind us (us = me and my colleagues, 3 of us) like what she should have done in the first place. It turned out that I was totally wrong. Probably she's having PMS, but that's another topic altogether. Having PMS doesn't give any girl the license to piss anybody off, especially me. hehe
Anyway, everybody was looking, and you can guess how insulted I felt. I wonder if people would think that I was bullying this girl over here. Whatever, I just ignore the incident and continue taking my food, and paid at the counter, along with my drink. That's when one of the waiters came to us and told me, "she is angry at u.. she said.." and before she could continue.... much to my disappointement, I erupted. Krakatoa can lose to me, trust me. I was literally shouting at the waiter, "what the hell? she's angry at me? now why would she be angry at me? she's the one who's cutting the queue! where is she??". I began looking around for her, looking at where the waiter is pointing at. A guy sitting beside her stood up and came to me, looking fierce (i didn't think he looked fierce, but my colleague said he looked fierce). First sentence out from him is "what's the problem with you?". I was like "I have no problems at all, what's the problem with her?". I extended my hands to him (I will still in eruption mood, looking very very *very* pissed, just literally slammed my plates on the table), introduced myself, and asked him to sit down.
Now, the reason why I do all this even when I'm angry, rather than shouting at him, is because he's not involved, he's probably sent over without knowing the whole situation. He began to accuse me of screaming at her at the queue (which I definitely didn't do, in fact I was being polite, she was the one throwing the plate in front of everybody), but I cut him short and I said "you heard her version of story, now u listen to my version of story and weigh both sides" very agitatedly. I still can't believe I was so agitated. I should've been very professional and said it calmly, but much to my disappointment, I didn't. Anyway, to continue the story, he continued to accuse me of screaming at the girl at the queue when I said "No, you got it wrong. I didn't scream at her. you ask my colleague. My colleague said (with professionalism, which I hope to achieve everytime I'm in a confrontation) "Yes, he was being very polite. I saw the whole thing". I told him that I felt so insulted when she threw the plate just like that, in front of me, in front of everybody else. And I felt even more insulted when she complained to other people it was my fault when I was being so polite in the first place. (not to mention the fact that her getting other people involved in this is already so insulting. if you have problem with me, deal with me yourself) After that, things went in a blur, but what I can remember is that I was agitated in the whole situation, which again, is very disappointing. But after that, we shook hands, the guy went back and the story ends like that. Sorry to disappoint you, but there was no fight. nyahahah *hikaru laugh*
Just a note, I think that the girl said I screamed at her because the waiter went to her asking for compensation for breaking the plate(s). So I think that she was trying to put the blame on me, and created the whole imaginary situation that I screamed at her, making her colleagues pissed off at me. Bitch. (sorry about that, no offense to the female readers)
I just hope that in the future, whenever there's a confrontation story, it would be of me handling it with professionalism. Not losing my cool. However, there is this one story that I read before, about a snake in a village, a very fierce snake. This snake is so fierce, it hisses at everybody that comes near it, and it did bad things like killing people, stealing food, making the villagers afraid of it. One day, a very prominent monk went to the snake. The snake hisses at the monk but the monk didn't show any sign of fear. The snake was amazed and slowly they chatted. The monk found out that the snake has a very short temper, and its life is not peaceful at all. There's some more to this part but I can't really recall it. Anyway, the monk said to the snake "why don't you stop doing bad things? you will feel more peaceful". The snake was so intrigued by the idea, that it agreed to be nice to everybody. After 2 years, the monk returned and saw the snake, very skinny and in a very bad condition. The monk asked, "what happened to you, snake?". He found out that the snake actually stopped doing bad things, but after that, children started taunting it and throwing stones at it. The monk then said, "My friend, I asked you to stop doing bad things but I didn't ask you to stop hissing."
Hmm, it has a point, doesn't it? Makes you think twice about not losing your temper ;)
my muscles are aching.. probably the results of having slept more than 12 hours at one row yesterday till today, skipping my dinner in the process. and i'm going to skip both breakfast and lunch today if i still don't eat since it's already 2.39pm. considering that i didn't really had lunch yesterday (only ate a big breakfast - BBQ during picnic ^_^), i can't believe i actually don't feel hungry now. anyway, probably my muscle is going to ache even more tomorrow after my gym session today, hehe :p.
just got back to office from client's place. going off for lunch now. nyahaha *hikaru laugh*
Weekend was great. It just passed by in a blur of events, I guess that's wat happens when you're enjoying yourself :)
Oh, and the new girl I'm going after, I think she's not my type. I'm not calling her anymore. Somehow, I feel that she's on to me coz I'm of use to her, in terms of knowledge or money, or probably both. I hate these kind of girls. Wait, that's not the word. I despise these kind of girls. Not that I'm stereotyped, but somehow my i'm-being-used radar beeps like crazy whenever i chat with her, or when she asks for my help in her programming project (*beep*beep*), or she hints for my help in financial woes (*beep*beep*beep*). I'm a soul-mate, not a tool. Plus, I like a cheerful companion better ;)
eek! 11.41pm and still in office. i think i'm alone here, since i haven't checked on the management.
oh well, life goes on. end of week usually gives our motivation a little bit of boost ;) looking forward for another relaxing weekend. guess i'm not going back to hometown this weekend - having a BBQ with colleagues in Bagan Lalang, Selangor. heh heh
skipped gym again today. too busy :( but well, consolation would be that this project is finishing soon. passing up left-over deliverables tomorrow and *whee* i'll have time to do things i'm waiting for !! (well, at least for a while, since the directors are waiting enthusiastically for me to finish this project to assign me to new ones.. *shriek in horror*.. gives me mixed feelings about actually finishing the project :p)
next pet project get DB2 certification
write the claim application module for internal use in python (or probably java....)
finish reading bitter java and borrow the cryptography book from colleague
today somebody i respected (and will always respect) made me realize how shallow my knowledge is, and i should learn from now on to properly *think* and analyze before i blabber it out.
of course, it's not because that i talk too much or something. just that my ideas, my god, i can laugh at my own ideas.
in order to make my own thoughts more mature, i've decided to read even more, and rather than just skimming, i will dig deep inside the articles, to completely grasp the content of articles/books.
i need to churn out better ideas if i want to survive in this world
*update* my mistake. in order to make my own thoughts more mature, rather that *just* reading, i will expose myself. no, not what u're thinking *evil grin*. exposing myself as in interacting more with customers, immersing myself further into the industry, get the feel of the industry itself in order to find out customer needs, and persistent unsolved problems that can be solved and that will prove to be a money generator.
*another update* i can't believe that a good idea went past me without me analyzing it. that person i respected (earlier in today's journal entry) shared with me a good idea, and i can't believe that i came across the idea before, but never pondered long at it. i'm sooooooooooooooooooooooo angry at myself. how could i miss this good idea? the customer stated explicitly their problems, and i never stopped to think of a solution that could be sold! i still can't believe it *angry*. i should NEVER let such things happen again.
yesterday nite i came up with a quote. kinda corny, but hey, it's my first :p
it's inspired by vanessa's hug, so i hope that even though it's just a quote, it will somehow inspire her. here it is..
"For (s)he who touched the dragon prince will be blessed with countless miracles, but only if (s)he sees not just what (s)he seeks" - ryuu-ouji
i want to create miracles for others, but since i can't (not yet anyway), hopefully this quote somehow will provide consolation to my wishful thinking..
---
oh, yesterday i surfed to this page entitled Signs of Wealth. although my star sign is scorpio, i still think that astrology is somewhat a kimochi factor, although at times the similarities and the correlation of the star-sign behaviours I find among people who fall under those specific star signs is shockingly amazing. kind of creepy o_O hehe
did nothing much today, surfed, read news, got some info for IBM tech support *remotely* (social engineering muhahaha), software refactoring, operations meeting, and after the meeting, at around 4pm did a demo to some "important" people but like how murphy's law dictates it, everything went wrong. first, the people who came to view the demo *stressed* that they have to go back *very* early, then the client application server failed, tried to up it, but realised there's not much time, so i used a subsitute i installed earlier - tomcat >:). that failed too, dang. dunno why, this murphy's law really applies whenever a demo is done to somebody important (not to re-live my bad experience of demo failing during user acceptance test itself (reminds me of windows BSOD [blue screen of death] that happened when our friend gates launched it)). then i tried my own backup database *internally* and that failed too. restarted the server once, twice, then finally got it worked but couldn't demo the features 100% coz it's a backup. dang. there goes my raise.
no wonder garfield hated mondays. i still don't hate it though. >:)
saw this site today. check this cool reverse google site out. pretty fun hehe. you would have to search using reverse search queries too ;)
ah, 8.22pm. still an early day. 12 out of 14 in my to-do-list to go. looks like it's midnite again.
oh.. forgot to add. the dragon piggy slept the whole day yesterday. NYAHAHAHAHAHAH *hikaru laugh*
hmm.. i miss hikaru... i miss kimagure orange road... i miss kareshi kanojou no jijou.. :(
supposed to go to pub tonite but i'm going back hometown
:( *sob*sob*
Anyway, it's been a great week! Been a "teacher" for a week, and it feels great in front of an audience ;) (if you dunno, ryuu used to have, and probably still has stage fright, hehe) I braved myself in front of the audience/students until suddenly I noticed that I forgot all about the "i'm being watched" feeling. wow. first time. hehe
Ok.. one more week and let's hope I can wrap up the project and earn this company some money. Gonna speed off to hometown for a relaxing weekend! If anybody gonna drop by No Black Tie this sunday, try n look for me >:)
typed a lot too today, longer than usual but yet again, the stupid IE crashed on me. *toot*
*toot*
can't say much anymore, it's 11.36pm and i have to wrap up plus prepare for tomorrow's class (never in my wildest dreams that i would actually teach people during the course in my career :p) and still catch the last (midnite) bus home.
to everybody who's reading this, may u have a wonderful day tomorrow!
logged into ICQ after billions of years of not logging on.. and guess what i found.
I looked into my "Info Summary" and I found words that has stayed with me, words which cherished me and gave me the strength to go, the strength to go forward, when I was in that seemingly bottomless pit of hopelessness (around nov 2001 - march 2002).
So.... here it is : )
"It matters not how strait the gate, how charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul." - William Ernest Henley
That's right. And this will remain my life philosophy forever. Will never change, will never be forgotten. Yes, no matter how tough life is, how seemingly unbeatable the challenge is, no matter how painful life's lessons are, no matter how disillusioned I am, I AM the master of my fate, I AM the captain of my soul.
It's 8pm on Sunday and I'm still in the office (yes, since Saturday).
Had to rush work in order to pass it up on Monday. Customers will be waiting. Oh man, deadlines. Never mind, a little more and I can start watching "The Signs" VCD that my colleague bought just now *grin*
repeat after me. I love documentation. again. I love documentation. one more time, I love documentation.. YES!! I LOVE DOCUMENTATION!!! (............)
